”“Hi, Alfredo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”“Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Señor Ralph, that your parrot died.”“My par...ot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?”“Yes, Señor, that’s the one.”“Damn! That’s a pity. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”“From eating rotten meat, Señor Ralph.”“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”“Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”“Dead horse? What dead horse?”“The thoroughbred, Señor. So, you say you’ve never had a colonoscopy? Well, at age 50 you’re supposed to get one. I say ‘supposed to’, because from what I understand perhaps ten percent of us actually do, and I think that number is so low because having a colonoscopy is supposed to be, supposed to be, mind you, about as fun as having anal sex with a porcupine. You go to a gastroenterologist to have this done, by the way, and you go to his (or her) office for a pre-exam screening to see if the full procedure is. He did not have sufficient forces to stop the reinforcements so he was forced to face a heavily strengthened enemy.It was the night before what Arron hoped was to be the final battle for the province. The estimates were that this time Arron's forces were outnumbered three to one. For this battle he had changed his formations, using the more open checkerboard three line formation developed by the Roman legions. The Metherosian forces were still more or less an undisciplined rabble, but even so. ”I hesitated, “a street witch was outside the temple. She said other creatures of evil were coming for me. That they had been summoned and given my name.”He hissed, “and you did not take her?”I sighed, “sir she did nothing. She tried no magic and spoke no spell. She did but warn me against those that might harm me.”He smiled, “you liked her.”I hesitated again and then nodded, “I would bed her if you would agree.”He chuckled as he stood, “bring her to the alter and...”I hesitated, “sir? She said.
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